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Writing Home

<body>
 
ear Parent(s),                                       Date: ___________
 
I am too busy to write, but this checklist covers most of the topics of
interest to both of us.
 
Please send:
 
  __   Money (Cash)!     Amount:   _________________________
  __   Food (Cookies)!   Dozens:   ___________
  __   Clean clothes!
 
Relationships:
 
  __   What?
  __   I am in love with myself
  __   I am in love!
  __   I am engaged
  __   I got married last weekend
 
My Roommate:
 
  __   Worships the ground I walk on
  __   Gave me a black eye
  __   Committed suicide and left a note saying I was the reason
  __   Is afraid of the dark and wants to sleep with me in my bed ???
  __   Has fleas
 
My Professors are:
 
  __   Sadistic water walkers
  __   Mental institution escapees
  __   Brain dead nerds
  __   Super oxygen thieves
 
Latest News:
 
  __   I wrecked the car
  __   I can't use your credit card because I have exceeded the credit limit
  __   You are going to have a grandchild
  __   False alarm - you are NOT going to have a grandchild
 
Food:
 
  __   Is great!
  __   Even makes me appreciate your cooking
  __   I have had pizzas for the last eleven meals
 
 
Grades:
 
  __   I am making all A's
  __   I am not being properly challenged
  __   I will be home after this semester
 
I study:
 
  __   Night and day
  __   All the time
  __   80 hours a week
  __   Only on Sunday afternoon
  __   None of the above
 
Daily Devotions:
 
  __   I read my Bible everyday
  __   I can't read
  __   Someone stole my Bible while I was at one of the local bars
 
On my last visit home, I left:
 
  __   My glasses
  __   My paper that was due yesterday
  __   The clothes you washed for me
  __   My (girlfriend's) birth control pills
  __   The check to cover my delinquent tuition payment
  __   Other _____________________________________________
 
Please send above items by Federal Express (Priority One) or UPS (Blue)
 
Laundry:
 
  __   My white underwear is now _________________
  __   I am saving money by not using detergent
  __   Don't worry, I washed my clothes last semester
  __   I hang my clothes out the window when it rains
 
My room:
 
  __   Can pass your "white glove" test
  __   Is only _____% full
  __   Could not be located last Saturday night
  __   Was rented by the ROTC for hazardous terrain training
 
Parties:
 
  __   I don't inhale
  __   I only go to meet people
  __   Haven't been to one since this morning
 
Hope you:
 
  __   Miss me
  __   Can live without me
  __   Are not overdoing the celebration of my absence
 
Salutation:
 
  __   Your Daughter,
  __   Your Son,
  __   Yours,
 
 
     __________________________________________________
     Signature (Scribble if Pre-Med or Pre-Law)
     Note:  Witnesses are not required for your mark ("X").