People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them that Benjamin Franklin said it first.
Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.
If marriage were outlawed, only outlaws would have inlaws.
Technology is simply a means of manipulating the world so you don't have to experience it.
A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept, and the hours are lost.
Love is grand. Divorce is a hundred grand.
I still miss my ex-wife, but my aim is improving.
Anything free is worth what you pay for it.
Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
If it ain't broke, fix it until it is.
I don't get even, I get odder.
I considered atheism, but there weren't enough holidays.
My inferiority complex is not as good as yours.
I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad I just take something for it.
If it weren't for me, there'd just be a pile of my clothes on the floor.