1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. Nevertheless, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.
3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no as they tend to distract from a woman's jewelry and alter the tastes of finger foods.
DINING OUT
1. When decanting wine, be sure to tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so as not to "bruise" the liquid.
2. When drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.
ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
1. A centerpiece for your table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table -- no matter how good his manners are.
DATING (OUTSIDE THE FAMILY)
1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
2. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10 p.m. Others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.
THEATER ETIQUETTE
1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended.
2. Refrain from talking to the characters on the screen. Tests have proven that they cannot hear you.
WEDDINGS
1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2. Kissing the bride for more than five seconds may get you shot.
DRIVING ETIQUETTE
1. Dim your lights for approaching vehicles -- even if the deer is in the sights of your rifle.
2. At a four way stop the vehicle with the largest tires has right of way.
3. Never tow a car using panty hose and duct tape.
4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
TIPS FOR ALL OCCASIONS
1. It is considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
3. Never take a beer to a job interview.