Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of obtaining sex.
Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
Tatyr: A lecherous Mr. Potato Head.
Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the recipient who doesn't get it.
Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.
Burglesque: A poorly planned break-in. (See: Watergate)
Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like a serious bummer.
Glibido: All talk and no action.
Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
Abdicate--v., to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
Carcinoma--n., a valley in California, notable for its heavy smog.
Esplanade--v., to attempt an explanation while drunk.
Willy-nilly--adj., impotent.
Flabbergasted--adj., appalled over how much weight you have gained.
Negligent--adj., describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.
Lymph--v., to walk with a lisp.
Gargoyle--n., an olive-flavored mouthwash.
Bustard--n., a very rude Metrobus driver.
Coffee--n., a person who is coughed upon.
Flatulence--n., the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
Balderdash--n., a rapidly receding hairline.
Testicle--n., a humorous question on an exam.
Rectitude--n., the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
Marionettes--n., residents of Washington who have been jerked around by the mayor.
Oyster--n., a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
Circumvent--n., the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
Frisbatarianism--n., Belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.