Here's a bit of humor from the "176 Stupidest Things Ever Done"
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Two men were on trial in San Diego, accused of armed robbery. An eyewitness was on the stand being questioned by the prosecutor, who was taking the witness step-by-step through the incident.
"Were you at the scene when the robbery took place?" asked the prosecutor.
"Yes."
"Did you see a vehicle leave in a rush?"
Again the witness replied yes.
"Did you observe the occupants of the vehicle?"
"Yes. There were two men in the car."
Perfect. The prosecutor moved in for the kill. "Are those two men present in court today?"
At that, the two defendants helpfully raised their hands.
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Two Michigan robbers charged into a Detroit music store, waving their guns. "Nobdy move!" one of the robbers ordered. The second robber then moved--and the first shot him in the head.
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Police needed a confession from a not-too-bright criminal in Radnor, Pennsylvania. Unfortunately, the station didn't have a lie detector, so the police decided to improvise. They put the criminal's head in a metal colander and attached wires from the colander to a copier machine. Meanwhile, they put a piece of paper in the copier that said: HE'S LYING. Every time the criminal denied his role in the crime, the cops pressed the COPY button and the message HE'S LYING came out of the machine.
Seeing this high-tech example of a modern police force working so inexorably well, the criminal confessed.
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Dan Quayle, extending his hand during a campaign stop at Hardee's: "I'm Dan Quayle. Who are you?"
Woman: "I'm your Secret Service agent."
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A criminal was arrested for burglary and breaking and entering. But he explained that it was all actually a mistake. "I felt tired," he said, "so I rested my head against the shop window and it fell in."
But what about police who saw him wearing a fur coat from the store? "I wore it to keep the dust off my sports coat."
And what about witnesses who saw him trying to knock a hole in the ceiling of the building? "I could not think of anything else to do at the time."
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If your packing a warhead, stay out of Chico, California. This city has a ban on nuclear weapons--with a $500 fime for anyone setting off a nuclear bomb within city limits.
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It was a hot day at the La Brea Tar Pits. An employee got himself into a sticky situation when he noticed a traffic cone that had been tossed into a tar pit. He tried to retreive the cone, but wound up getting himeself stuck in the tar instead.
He was struggling desperately to free himself, when a man and a child walked by and saw him. Did they help?
Of course not.
Instead, the man saw fit to use the incident as a compelling reenactment of ancient history. "See?" he told the child. "That's what happened to the dumb animals."
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It was a damp November in 1979, and a group of tourists were sightseeing in the British palace of Westminster.
The Lord Chancellor, Lord Hailsham, was walking across the lobby of the House of Commons, when he spotted his friend, Member of Parliment Neil Marten. Remembering that it was Marten's birthday, Halisham waved to his friend and yelled out, "Neil!"
At that command, the entire group of tourists immediately fell to their knees in prayer.
**** Last but not least....and a rather useful anecdote **** for us TKDers
It was an important bout for boxer Danny Osnato--and his trainer told him exactly how to play it. His advice:
Dance the first round out. If Osnato kept dancing, the other guy wouldn't be able to lay a glove on him. Then, it the second round, Osnato should start swinging.
The obeidiant boxer did just what his trainer said. And it worked. Osnato's footwork was phenomenal. The opponent didn't hit him once.
But after two minutes and forty-seven seconds of intense dancing, Osnato dropped to the canvas, unconscious.
His opponent won on a TKO.