Rejected Hallmark Cards

<body> REJECTED HALLMARK CARDS:

So your daughter's a hooker,
and it spoiled your day...
Look at the bright side,
it's really good pay.

My tire was thumping...
I thought it was flat...
when I looked at the tire...
I noticed your cat... Sorry

You had your bladder removed
and you're on the mends...
here's a bouquet of flowers
and a box of Depends.

Happy Vasectomy!
Hope you feel zippy!
Cause when I had mine
I got really snippy.

Heard your wife left you...
How upset you must be...
But don't fret about it...
She moved in with me

You totaled your car...
and can't remember why...
could it have been...
that whole case of Bud Dry?