The Top 16 Fatal Things to Say to Your Pregnant Wife (Part I)
16> "Not to imply anything, but I don't think the kid weighs forty pounds."
15> "Y'know, looking at her, you'd never guess that Pamela Lee had a baby!"
14> "I sure hope your thighs aren't gonna stay that flabby forever!"
13> "Well, couldn't they induce labor? The 25th is the Super Bowl."
12> "Damn if you ain't about five pounds away from a surprise visit from that Richard Simmons fella."
11> "Fred at the office passed a stone the size of a pea. Boy, that's gotta hurt."
10> "Whoa! For a minute there, I thought I woke up next to Willard Scott!"
9> "I'm jealous! Why can't men experience the joy of childbirth?"
8> "Are your ankles supposed to look like that?"
7> "Get your *own* ice cream, Buddha!"
6> "Geez, you're awfully puffy looking today."
5> "Got milk?"
4> "Maybe we should name the baby after my secretary, Tawney."
3> "Man! That rose tattoo on your hip is the size of Madagascar!"
2> "Retaining water? Yeah, like the Hoover Dam retains water."
1> "You don't have the guts to pull the trigger, Lardass."
-------------------------------------
The Top 16 Fatal Things to Say to Your Pregnant Wife (Part II)
16> "Sure you'll get your figure back -- we'll just search 1985 where you left it."
15> "Keys are on the fridge, honey. I'll see you at the hospital at half-time."
14> "Sure, the doctor said you're eating for two - but he didn't mean two orcas."
13> "Honey -- Come show the guys your Brando impression!"
12> "Roseanne, what have you done with my wife?!"
11> "How come you're so much fatter than the other chicks in Lamaze?"
10> "Sweetheart, where'd you put that Victoria's Secret catalog?"
9> "What's the big deal? If you can handle *me* going in surely you can handle a baby coming out."
8> "Hey, when you're finished pukin' in there, get me a beer, willya?"
7> "Why in the *world* would I want to rub your feet?"
6> "That's not a bun in the oven -- it's the whole friggin' bakery!"
5> "You know, now that you mention it, you *are* getting fat and unattractive."
4> "Oh, this is just great! Now, on top of everything else, child support."
3> "Yo, Fatass! You're blocking the TV!"
2> "No, I don't know where the remote is! Have you looked under your breasts?"
1> "I know today's your due date, but Larry just got a 10 point buck and that's a reason to celebrate, too."