Every single day, I give thanks to God
that I was born a man instead of a broad
I don't shave my legs, I stand up to pee
When Oprah comes on, I turn off the TV
I go to a barber, not a beauty salon
Don't pluck out my eyebrows just to draw them back on
Don't wax my pubes so I can wear shorts
I use my turn signal, I understand sports
Man, I'm glad I'm a man, man
Tell you the reason I am, man
I don't go through a faze, every 28 days
Man, I'm glad I'm a man
I pay cash at the grocery, no checks or coupons
Don't take lots of friends when I go the john
I don't buy shoes just because they're on sale
and I don't throw a fit when I break a nail
Man, I'm glad I'm a man, man
Tell you the reason I am, man
I don't face the pain, of water-weight gain
Man, I'm glad I'm a man
I don't apply makeup in my rear-view mirror
I don't think of Bambi when I'm out hunting deer
I drink beer from a bottle and not from a glass
I don't ask my friends about the size of my ass
Oh, I love your fair faces
And your warm, soft embraces
and I love those things inside of your blouse
But if I had boobs, I'd not leave the house
Man, I'm glad I'm a man, man
Tell you the reason I am, man
I don't take a pill, I don't use Massengill
Man, I'm glad I'm a man
I don't spend hours getting ready for a date
I don't play with dolls unless they inflate
After sex in bed, my spot's always dry
and when someone asks my age, I never lie
I don't read about orgasms in Vogue magazines
I don't mind if my dates try to get in my jeans
I don't spend a fortune on French lingerie
These are probably the same shorts I wore yesterday
Man, I'm glad I'm a man, man
Tell you the reason I am, man
I find Michael Bolton, completely revoltin'
Man, I'm glad I'm a man.......( over)
I'm Glad I'm A Woman
I'm glad I'm a woman, yes I am, yes I am
I don't live off of Budweiser, beer nuts and Spam
I don't get wasted at parties and act like a clown
and I know how to put the damned toilet seat down!
I don't brag to my buddies about my erections
I won't drive to Hell before I ask for directions
I won't grab your hooters, I won't pinch your butt
my belt buckle's not hidden beneath my beer gut
and I don't go around "readjusting" my crotch
or yell like Tarzan when my bed gains a notch
I don't belch in public, I don't scratch my behind
I'm a woman you see -- I'm just not that kind!
I am glad I'm a woman, I'm so glad - I could sing
I sure don't have body hair like shag carpeting
It doesn't grow from my ears or cover my back
When I lean over, you can't see 3 inches of crack
And what's on my head doesn't leave with my comb
I'll not buy a toupee to cover my dome
Or have a few hairs pulled from over the side
I'm a woman, you know -- I've got far too much pride!
And I honestly think its a privilege for me
to have these two boobs and squat when I pee
I don't live to play golf and shoot basketball
I don't swagger and spit like a Neanderthal
I won't tell you my wife just does not understand
stick my hand in my pocket to hide that gold band
or tell you a story to make you sigh and weep
then screw you, roll over and fall sound asleep!
Yes, I'm glad I'm a woman, a woman you see
you can forget all about that old penis envy
I don't long for male bonding, I don't cruise for chicks
join the Hair Club For Men, or think with my dick
I'm a woman by chance and I'm thankful it's true
I'm so glad I'm a woman and not a man like you!