One day, Pinnochio and his girlfriend were in bed doing what girls and wooden boys do. As they were cuddling later, Pinnochio could tell that something was bothering his girlfriend; being a sensitive guy, he asked her,
"What's the matter, baby?"
Pinnochio's girlfriend gave a big sigh, "You're probably the best lover I've ever had", she said, "but every time we make love you give me splinters." This remark bothered Pinnochio a great deal, so the next day he went to seek some advise from his creator, Gepetto.
Gepetto searched up and down for a solution. Eventually, he suggested that sandpaper might be able to "smooth out" Pinnochio's relationship with his girlfriend. Pinnochio graciously thanked Gepetto and went on his way.
A couple of weeks later, Gepetto was in town to have some blades sharpened at the hardware store when he ran into Pinnochio--and noted that his little wooden friend was buying every package of sandpaper the store had in stock.
"So," Gepetto remarked, "Pinnochio, things must be going pretty damn good with the girls, eh?"
"Girls?" said Pinnochio, "Who needs girls?"