Permission to Date

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APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

NOTE: this application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.

 
1.  NAME:                         DATE OF BIRTH	                        
2.  HEIGHT:             WEIGHT          IQ:     GPA:                    
3.  SSN:                        DRIVERS LICENSE: YES         NO:        
4.  BOY SCOUT RANK:                     
5.  HOME ADDRESS:                                       	
6.  Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent?	                
7.  Number of years parents married?                            
8.  Do you own a van?            A truck with oversized tires?          
    A waterbed?	                
9.  Do you have an earring, nose ring, or other body piercing?          
10. In fifty words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean?
                                                                        
                                                                        
11. In 25 words or less, what does LATE mean to you?                    
                                                                        
12. In 10 words or less, what does ABSTINENCE mean to you?              
                                                                        
13. What Church do you attend?                                          
14. Best time to interview your father, mother, and Pastor?             
15. Are you aware of the damage a shotgun can do?                       
16. Are you aware I own a shotgun?                                      
17. If you were ever shot, where is the last place on your body that you 
    would want to be wounded?                                           
18. If you were beaten, what is the last bone you would ever want to be 
    broken?                                                             
19. When you meet a girl, what is the first thing you notice about her?

(If the answer to question 19 begins with a T or an A, discontinue and leave the premises NOW! Keep your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised.)

 
20. What do you want to be IF you grow up?

I SWEAR THAT ALL THE INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, AND RED HOT POKER.

Applicants signature
(that means signing your name, you stupid moron!)

Thank you for your interest. Please allow 4-6 years for processing. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not call or write (you probably can't wait anyway). If your application is rejected, you will be notified by 2 gentlemen wearing white ties and carrying violin cases (you might want to watch your back).

A pat on the back is only eighteen inches from a kick in the ass.