Office Language

<body> 
M E M O
 
To:       All employees
 
From:     The Management
 
Date:     June 13, 1996
 
Subject:  Updated Office Language
 
 
It has been brought to our attention that some of the language used in our
organization is offensive to several of our fellow employees. We cannot let
this situation continue. However, management realizes that it is important
that all employees should be able to express views clearly without
misunderstanding, so comparative phrases should be used instead. It is
important that all should memorize the new phrase, so an exchange of ideas
can continue in the workplace.
 
 
New Phrase                            Old Phrase
----------                            ----------
I'm not certain that's feasible.      No fucking way.
Really?                               You gotta be shitting me.
Perhaps you should check with...      Tell someone who gives a fuck.
Of course I'm concerned.              Ask me if I give a shit.
I wasn't involved in that project.    It's not my fucking problem.
I'm not sure I can implement this.    Fuck it. It won't work.
I'll try to schedule that.            Why the fuck didn't you tell me sooner?
Are you sure there's a problem?       Who the fuck cares?
How nice.                             Fuck you.
You don't say.                        Eat shit.
Excuse me?                            Eat shit and die.
Excuse me, sir?                       Eat shit and die, motherfucker.
They won't be happy with this.        What the fuck do they want with my life?
I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.   Fuck it. I'm on salary.
I don't think you understand          Shove it up your ass.
I love a challenge.                   This job sucks.
You'd like me to take care of this?   Who the fuck died and made you the boss?
Yes, I think we should discuss this.  Another fucking meeting.
I don't foresee any problems.         I really don't give a shit.
He needs some training.               He's a fucking idiot.
You'd like my help?                   Kiss my ass.
Interesting behavior.                 What the fuck?