Progressive company
- Employees get to wear jeans every other Friday
Team player
- Must deal with dangerously territorial coworkers with rabid
personalities
Upbeat personalities
- Must neither threaten us with any kind of lawsuit nor use the drug
alcohol rehab benefit within the first year
Word processing skills essential
- There is a crippling case of carpal tunnel syndrome in your future
Public Relations Receptionist Professional appearance important
- $20 K a year job that requires a $100K year wardrobe
Pleasant telephone manner
- Be the voice of 1-900-suck
Earn up to $300 per hour
- Be 1-900-suck
Salary range $24K to $32K
- The salary is $24K
Jeans job!
- Minimum wage temporary job in concentration camp office
Will train
- Prior conviction of a felony or two, no problem
BA required, MA preferred
- Must be a MA willing to work for a BA salary
Civil service
- This job was filled from the inside six months ago
Women/minorities encouraged
- White males need not waste a stamp
Outstanding benefits package
- Health insurance
Tons of variety
- We took all of the heinous tasks no one else would do and rolled them
into one job
Top notch communication skills
- Telemarketing
Beautiful offices in attractive locale
- Brand new tacky windowless office where picture frames match the carpet
Secretary
- Woman only job with the responsibilities of management and the wages of
a migrant worker
Executive secretary
- The most powerful position in any company
Dedicated
- You're looking at a minimum of 80 hours a week until we force you into
early retirement
Salary commensurate
- We'll pay you whatever the hell we feel like
Salary negotiable
- We'll take the lowest bidder
Competitive salary
- We'll pay you up to 10% more than your last job-period!
Competitive starting salary
- Ten cents above minimum wage
Pleasant atmosphere
- A staff of pod people
Professional atmosphere
- Zombie pod people
Fun, creative atmosphere
- Pod people from h-ll
Dynamic atmosphere
- Zombie pod people from h-ll
Gal Friday
- Anyone who actually applies for this job deserves it
Self starter
- Open to very broad interpretation, since no one really knows what this
means