ARIES: Mar 21-Apr 19 - You are the pioneer type & hold most people in contempt. You are quick tempered, impatient & scornful of advise. You are a prick.
TAURUS: Apr 20-May 20 - You are practical & persistent. You have dogged determination & work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn & bullheaded. You are nothing but a goddamn communist.
GEMINI: May 21-Jun 20 - You are a quick & intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. However, you are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are a cheap bastard. Geminis are notorious for thriving on incest.
CANCER: Jun 21-Jul 21 - You are sympathetic & understanding to other people's problems. They think you are a sucker. You are always putting things off. That is why you will always be on welfare & won't be worth shit.
LEO:Jul 22-Aug 22 - You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are pushy. Most Leo's are bullies. You are vain & cannot tolerate honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leos are thieving bastards & kiss mirrors a lot.
VIRGO: Aug 23-Sep 22 - You are the logical type & hate disorder. This shit-picking is disgusting to your friends. You are cold, unemotional, & often fall asleep while screwing. Virgos make good bus drivers & pimps.
LIBRA: Sep 23-Oct 22 - You are the artistic type & have a difficult time with reality. If you are a male, you are probably a queer. Chance for employment & monetary gain are excellent. Most Libra women are whores. All Libras die of V.D.
SCORPIO: Oct 23-Nov 21 - You are shrewd in business & cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. You are a perfect son-of-a-bitch. Most Scorpios are murdered.
SAGITTARIUS: Nov 22-Dec 21 - You are optimistic & enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck since you have no talent. The majority of Sagittarians are drunks & pot-heads. People laugh at you because you are always getting fucked.
CAPRICORN: Dec 22-Jan 19 - You are conservative & afraid of taking risks. You are basically a chicken shit. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. You should kill yourself.
AQUARIUS: Jan 20-Feb 18 - You have an inventive mind & are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. On the other hand, you are inclined to be careless and impractical, causing you to make the same mistakes over again. Everyone thinks you are a fucking jerk.
PISCES: Feb 19-Mar 20 - You have a vivid imagination & often think you are being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have minor influence over your friends & people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence & are generally a coward. Pisces people screw small animals & pick their nose.