Moses, Jesus and another person are out playing golf. Moses pulls up to the tee and drives a long one. It lands in the fairway but rolls directly toward a water hazard. Quickly Moses raises his club, the water parts and the ball rolls to the other side, safe and sound.
Next, Jesus strolls up to the tee and hits a nice long one directly toward the same water hazard. It lands in the exact center of the pond and hovers over the water. Jesus casually walks out onto the pond and chips it up and into the hole.
The third person gets up and randomly whacks the ball. It flies over a fence and into oncoming traffic in the street. It bounces off a truck and hits a tree. From there it bounces onto the roof of a nearby shack and rolls into the gutter, down the drainpipe, out onto the fairway and right toward the aforementioned pond. On the way to the pond it hits a little stone and bounces out over the water onto a lily pad, where it rests quietly. Suddenly, a very large bullfrog jumps onto the lily pad and snatches the ball in its mouth. An eagle swoops down, grabs the frog and flies away. As they pass over the green, the frog squeals with fright and drops the ball, which bounces right in for a beautiful hole in one.
Moses turns to Jesus and says, "I hate playing with your Dad."
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The Americans and Russians at the height of the arms race realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the entire world.
One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They'd have five years to breed the best fighting dog in the world. The losing side would have to lay down its arms. The Russians found the meanest Doberman and Rottweiler females in the world and bred them with the biggest Siberian wolves. They selected only the largest and strongest puppy from each litter, killed his siblings, and gave him all the milk. They used steroids and trainers and after five years came up with the biggest, meanest dog the world had ever seen. Its cage needed steel bars five inches thick and nobody could get near it.
When the day came for the dog fight, the Americans showed up with a strange animal. It was a nine foot long Dachshund. Everyone felt sorry for the Americans because they knew there was no way that this dog could possibly last ten seconds with the Russian dog.
When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out of its cage and slowly waddled over towards the Russian dog. The Russian dog snarled and got close enough to bite the Dachshund's neck. The Dachshund opened its mouth and consumed the Russian dog in one bite. There was nothing left at all of the Russian dog.
The Russians came up to the Americans shaking their heads in disbelief. "We do not have understanding how this could happen. We had best Russian scientists to be working five years mating biggest, meanest Doberman and Rottweiler females in the world with biggest, meanest Siberian wolves."
"That's nothing," an American replied. "We had our best plastic surgeons working for five years to make an alligator look like a Dachshund."