Folklore
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I know this guy whose neighbor, a young man, was home recovering from
having been served a rat in his bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken. So
anyway, one day he went to sleep and when he awoke he was in his bathtub and
it was full of ice and he was sore all over. When he got out of the tub he
realized that HIS KIDNEYS HAD BEEN STOLEN and he saw a note on his mirror
that said "Call 911!" But he was afraid to use his phone because it was
connected to his computer, and there was a virus on his computer that would
destroy his hard drive if he opened an e-mail entitled "Join the crew!" He
knew it wasn't a hoax because he himself was a computer programmer who was
working on software to save us from Armageddon when the year 2000 rolls
around. His program will preven a global disaster in which all the
computers get together and distribute the $600 Neiman-Marcus cookie recipe
under the leadership of Bill Gates. (It's true -- I read it all last week
in a mass e-mail from BILL GATES HIMSELF, who was also promising me a free
Disney World vacation and $5,000 if I would forward the e-mail to everyone I
know.) T he poor man then tried to call 911 from a pay phone to report his
missing kidneys, but reaching into the coin-return slot he got jabbed with
an HIV-infected needle around which was wrapped a note that said, "Welcome
to the world of AIDS." Luckily he was only a few blocks from the hospital
-- the one where that little boy who is dying of cancer is, the one whose
last wish is for everyone in the world to send him an e-mail and the
American Cancer Society has agreed to pay him a nickel for every e-mail he
receives. I sent him two e-mails and one of them was a bunch of x's and o's
in the shape of an angel (if you get it and forward it to 20 people you will
have good luck but 10 people you will only have OK luck and if you send it
to less than 10 people you will have BAD LUCK FOR SEVEN YEARS). So anyway
the poor guy tried to drive himself to the hospital, but on the way he
noticed another car driving along without its lights on. To be helpful, he
flashed his lights at him and was promptly shot as part of a gang
initiation. And it's a little-known fact that the Y1K problem caused the
Dark Ages.