Fat Mamas

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< YOUR MOMMA'S SO FAT...

1) I had to take a train and two busses just to get on her good side.

2) When she hauls ass she has to make two trips.

3) They had to grease a door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side to get her through.

4) When she dances she makes the band skip.

5) Instead of Levi's 501 jeans she wears Levi's 1002s.

6) When she was diagnosed with the flesh eating disease the doctor gave her 13 years to live.

7) When I yell "Hey, Kool-Aid!" she comes crashing through the wall.

8) She puts mayonnaise on aspirin.

9) Her ass has its own congressman.

10) Her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard.

11) When God said "Let there be light" he told her to move her fat ass out of the way.

12) When she goes to the zoo the elephants throw HER peanuts.

13) Her high school graduation picture was an aerial photograph.

14) Her driver's license says "Picture continued on other side."

15) She can't even jump to a conclusion.

16) Her nickname is "DAMN!"

17) The back of her neck looks like a pack of hot dogs.

18) She has to iron her pants on the driveway.

19) The shadow of her ass weighs 100 pounds.

20) When she jumps in the air, she gets stuck.

21) When she gets on the talking scale, it says, "One at a time!"

22) When she wears high heels, she strikes oil.

23) When she has sex, guys have to ask directions.

24) She had to let the hem out on her shower curtain.

25) She leaves stretch marks in the bathtub.

26) A computer dating service matched her up with Detroit.

27) When she tells a guy, "Get on top", he has to use a ladder. And then his ears pop.

28) When she wears a wrist watch on both wrists, she covers two time zones.

29) Her blood type is Rocky Road.