[dramatic pause]
"Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The greenskeeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free any time." The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy & see if there's anything he can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"
Comprehending Engineers-Take Two
***********************
In the high school gym, all the girls in the class were lined up against
one wall, & all the boys against the opposite wall. Then, every ten
seconds, they walked toward each other until they were half the previous
distance apart. A mathematician, a physicist, & an engineer were asked,
"When will the girls and boys meet?" The mathematician said, "Never." The
physicist said, "In an infinite amount of time." The engineer said,
"Well... in about two minutes, they'll be close enough for all practical
purposes."
Comprehending Engineers-Take Three
***********************
There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things
mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily
retired. Several years later the company contacted him regarding a
seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their
multi-million dollar machines. They had tried everything & everyone else to
get the machine fixed, but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the
retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past.
The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying the huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a particular component of the machine and proudly stated, "This is where your problem is". The part was replaced & the machine worked perfectly again. The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges. The engineer responded briefly:
One chalk mark $1. Knowing where to put it $49,999
It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.
Comprehending Engineers-Take Four
***********************
The Top 10 Things Engineering School Didn't Teach
#10. There are at least 10 types of capacitors.
#9. Theory tells you how a circuit works, not why it does not work.
#8. Not everything works according to the specs in the data book.
#7. Anything practical you learn will be obsolete before you use it,
except the complex math, which you will never use.
#6. Always try to fix the hardware with software.
#5. Engineering is like having an 8 a.m. class & a late afternoon lab
every day for the rest of your life.
#4. Overtime pay? What overtime pay?
#3. Managers, not engineers, rule the world.
#2. If you like junk food, caffeine & all-nighters, go into software.
#1. Dilbert is a documentary.
Comprehending Engineers-Take Five
***********************
What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.
Comprehending Engineers-Take Six
***********************
The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
Comprehending Engineers-Take Seven
***********************
Engineers think that equations approximate the real world.
Scientists think that the real world approximates equations.
Mathematicians are unable to make the connection...
Comprehending Engineers-Take Eight
***********************
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible
designers of the human body . One said, ``It was a mechanical engineer.
Just look at all the joints.'' Another said, ``No, it was an electrical
engineer. The nervous system consists of many thousands of electrical
connections.'' The last said, ``Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else
would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?''
Comprehending Engineers-Take Nine
***********************
A priest, a lawyer & an engineer are about to be guillotined. The priest
puts his head on the block, they pull the rope & nothing happens. He
declares that he's been saved by divine intervention, so he's let go. The
lawyer is put on the block, & again the rope doesn't release the blade. He
claims he can't be executed twice for the same crime & he is set free too.
They grab the engineer & shove his head into the guillotine, he looks up at
the release mechanism & says, "Wait a minute, I see your problem......"
Comprehending Engineers-Take Ten
***********************
"Normal people ... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features
yet."
----- S. Adams, The Dilbert Principle
Comprehending Engineers-Take Eleven
***********************
The Last Revision
The draftsman & the engineer are men of skill and vision.
At least they are until they hear that hated word "revision".
The engineer, with practiced eye, surveys his grand design.
The draftsman then expertly draws each complicated line.
Complete, they sigh contentedly, miraculous precision.
Oh optimists, tomorrow brings catastrophe... revision.
Revision one adds. Revision two improves it.
Revision three makes it just right. Then number four removes it.
You can't do this, you can't do that. We'll wait for a decision.
But, in the mean time, just revise that last revised revision.
Revise... revise... the very word fills engineers with dread.
Though die they must, they'll be revised to make darned sure they're dead.
We hope that God's no engineer when He makes His decision.
If once we win our wings we hope there'll be no last revision.
Anonymous
Comprehending Engineers-Take Twelve
***********************
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was
better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he
enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring
relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because
of the passion & mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both."
"Both?" Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife & a mistress, they will each
assume you are spending time with the other woman, & you can go to the lab &
get some work done."
Comprehending Engineers-Take Thirteen
***********************
An engineering student was walking across campus when another engineer
rides up on a shiny new motorcycle. "Where did you get such a rockin' bike?"
asked the first. The second engineer replied "Well, I was walking along
yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this
bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes & said
'Take what you want.'" The second engineer nodded approvingly "Good choice;
the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."