realize that at least I'm not livin' in a trailor park. So on that note, I thought I would share with you some of the best/worst Country-Western Song titles around, sent to me recently by a friend. Keep in mind, these are actual song titles.
*Drop Kick Me, Jesus, Through The Goalposts of Life
*Get Your Biscuts In The Oven And Your Buns In The Bed
*Get Your Tounge Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissin' You Goodbye
*Her Teeth Were Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure
*How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?
*How Can You Believe Me When I Say I Love You When You Know I've Been A Liar All My Life?
*I Been Roped And Thrown By Jesus In The Holy Ghost Corral
*I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life
*Sometimes You're The Windshield, Sometimes You're The Bug Mary Chapin-Carpenter does this on her "Come On, Come On" CD *I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling
*I Fell In A Pile Of You And Got Love All Over Me
*I Flushed You From the Toilets Of My Heart (Cf. eight songs below)
*I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You
*I Wanna Whip Your Cow
*I Would Have Wrote You A Letter, But I Couldn't Spell Yuck!
*I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dawg Fight, 'Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win
*I'd Rather Have A Bottle In Front Of Me Than A Frontal Lobotomy One of my all time favorites
*I'm Just A Bug On The Windshield Of Life
*I'm The Only Hell My Mama Ever Raised
*I've Been Flushed From The Toilets Of Your Heart (apparently he dated the woman who wrote the previously listed song)
*I've Got The Hungries For Your Love And I'm Waiting In Your Welfare Line
*If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You
*If Love Were Oil, I'd Be A Quart Low
*If My Nose Were Full Of Nickles, I'd Blow It All On You
*If You Don't Leave Me Alone, I'll Go And Find Someone Else Who Will
*If You Leave Me, Can I Come Too?
*Mama Get The Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head)
*My Everyday Silver Is Plastic
*My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don't Love Jesus
*My John Deere Was Breakin' You're Field, While You're Dear John Was Breakin' My Heart
*My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Sure Do Miss Him
*Pardon Me, I've Got Someone To Kill
*She Got The Gold Mine And I Got The Shaft
*She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger
*She Made Toothpicks Out Of The Timber Of My Heart
*She's Got Freckles On Her, But She Sure Is Pretty
*I'm Gonna Hire Me A Wino To Decorate My Home
*Thank God and Greyhound She's Gone
*When You Leave Walk Out Backwards, So I'll Think You're Walkin' In
*You Can't Have Your Kate And Edith Too
*You Can't Roller Skate In A Buffalo Herd
*You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat
*You Were Only A Splinter As I Slid Down The Bannister Of Life
*You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly
*I Spent My Last Ten Dollars On Birth-Control And Beer
So ... anyone else feelin' better about themselves? I know I am.