HOW TO TELL IF A VEHICLE IS COMPANY OWNED
It's easy: Company Vehicles are different from personal Vehicles, in these ways-
- Company Vehicles travel faster in all gears.
- They accelerate much faster than personal Vehicles, leaving tire marks on the pavement.
- They enjoy a much shorter braking distance, leaving more tire marks.
- They can take bumps at twice the speed of private Vehicles.
- Company Vehicles normally require oil changes at 100,000-mile intervals.
- Their floors are shaped like ash trays, and accommodate milk cartons, Coke bottles, leftover food and wrappers.
- They can be driven a hundred miles or more with the oil pressure light flashing.
- Company Vehicles are not designed to be wash, waxed or retain hub caps.
- They are adapted to allow the transmission to be shifted into reverse while going forward at twenty miles per hour.
- Their tire walls are designed for bumping into and going over curbs.
- Company Vehicles are always used to jump start private vehicles or give them a push.
- Unusual and alarming engine noises are easily eliminated by turning the radio volume up.
- Company Vehicles are always used to go after lunch and other personal needs during work hours.
- All company Vehicles have many dents in their body inflected by a mysterious person called "Not Me."
- If the company Vehicle is going faster than the speed limit, the company owner is driving.
- If slower, the driver is on salary or paid by the hour, or is a government employee.
- If exactly at the speed limit, the driver is hauling drugs.