Chicken Cross the Road
<![CDATA[<body>]]>
Why did the chicken cross the road???
JERRY FALWELL
Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious?
Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face?
The chicken was going to the "other side."
That's what "they" call it: the "other side." Yes, my friends,
that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become
gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we
sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes
with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side."
That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and
simple as that.
PAT BUCHANAN
To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.
DR. SEUSS
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes! The chicken crossed the road,
but why it crossed, I've not been told!
ERNEST HEMINGWAY
To die. In the rain.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
I envision a world where all chickens will be free
to cross roads without having their motives
called into question.
GRANDPA
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.
Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that
was good enough for us.
ARISTOTLE
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
KARL MARX
It was a historical inevitability.
SADDAM HUSSEIN
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified
in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
RONALD REAGAN
What chicken?
KEN STARR
I intend to prove that the chicken crossed the road
at the behest of the president of the United States of America
in an effort to distract law enforcement officials and the
American public from the criminal wrongdoing our highest elected
official has been trying to cover up. As a result, the chicken
is just another pawn in the president's ongoing and elaborate
scheme to obstruct justice and undermine the rule of law.
For that reason, my staff intends to offer the chicken unconditional
immunity provided he cooperates fully with our investigation.
Furthermore, the chicken will not be permitted to reach the other
side of the road until our investigation and any Congressional
follow-up investigations have been completed. (We also are
investigating whether Sid Blumenthal has leaked information
to the Rev. Jerry Falwell, alleging the chicken to be homosexual
in an effort to discredit any useful testimony the bird may
have to offer, or at least to ruffle his feathers.)
CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
FOX MULDER
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes.
How many more chickens have
to cross before you believe it?
FREUD
The fact that you are at all concerned that
the chicken crossed the road
reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
BILL GATES
I have just released eChicken 98, which will not only cross roads,
but will lay eggs, file your important documents,
and balance your checkbook -- and Internet Explorer
is an inextricable part of eChicken.
EINSTEIN
Did the chicken really cross the road
or did the road move beneath the chicken?
BILL CLINTON
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken.
What do you mean by chicken?
Could you define chicken please?
LOUIS FARRAKHAN
The road, you will see, represents the black man.
The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him
and keep him down.
THE BIBLE
And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the
chicken,"Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken
crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
COLONEL SANDERS
I missed one?