Winners Week of February 23
My Boss scheduled a meeting for us to discuss the lack of communication between management and employees. The meeting was canceled without us being notified.
"I will admit that your last TEN projects produced really good results, but I'm waiting for more evidence to ensure it isn't just luck." Comments during my performance review.
Winners Week of February 16
When I told my Boss the computers were down he said "Can you still use them?"
Much to my surprise, my Boss invited me into his office this morning. After I crossed the threshold, he said "Here, this may be a letter bomb. Would you mind opening it for me."
Winners Week of February 9
My Boss called technical support because he couldn't send an email. The technician said the email server was down and wouldn't be fixed for hours. In a very loud and rude voice my Boss said "Next time idiot, send out a group message so we all know the problem."
My Boss was recently in conference with his Vice President. The Vice President said "I spend most of my time explaining things to you two and three times before you seem to understand the task at hand. I see this as a problem." "What do you mean?" my Boss replied.
Winners Week of February 2
My company sent "employee appreciation letters" to all of the secretaries, thanking them for their hard work and inviting them to a special luncheon in their honor. There was a $15.00 cover charge to attend.
When I asked my Boss if she was going to hire someone to replace me, she replied, "Yes, but first we must raise the salary to get someone who is qualified."
Winners Week of January 26
Because of upper management's leadership, vision, and planning, our company doesn't have a Year 2000 problem. We'll be bankrupt by then.
My Boss recently got a Macintosh as his first computer. Full of joy and anticipation he bought his first computer book - "PCs for Dummies". (this book is written for IBM PC's, not MAC)
Winners Week of January 19
Recently my Boss asked "How do you spell specific? You know, the specific ocean."
My Boss gave up cigarettes. He no longer smokes, but he still sucks.
New Every Monday
Winners Week of February 23
24 Hour Service One afternoon, our primary server went down, taking most of the data with it. I was the only person qualified to fix it and it took me all night to rebuild it.
By 7:30 a.m. the next morning, service was finally restored, tested, and announced. Several people came by to thank me, including the CEO. After his visit I left and drove the 45 minutes to my house.
After just 15 minutes of sleep, my phone rang. It was my Boss. He said in a very stressed and disapproving voice, "We have problems. We need you here right away."
Completely disgusted, with my job and computers in general, I dragged myself out of bed, into clothes, and on the road. I struggled to keep myself awake.
When I finally got to work my Boss said "Oh, we really don't have any problems, but the CEO MIGHT stop by and I wanted you here to explain what happened.
"But he was by this morning" I said. "Oh, I didn't know that" my Boss said "I guess you can go then."
I did go - straight to another firm.
Captain and Crew
I was hired as a general manager of a restaurant in the food court of a mall. The regional director who hired me said the location would be fully staffed by the time I completed the company's training program.
Three weeks later after I completed the training, I went straight to my restaurant. Much to my surprise, I was the only employee. I waited several minutes, but it was clear no one else was coming.
For some reason I went to the phone and retrieved my voice mail. My manager had left a message that clearly stated I would remain alone, forced to open, manage, serve, clean and close the location. After five hours, many, many customers, no lunch and no breaks, I finally went to the rest room.
After the quickest of bathroom visits I returned, only to find my manager waiting for me. He fired me, right then and there, for leaving 'my station' and a lack of commitment.
Winners Week of February 16
Burns Me Up I work for the Fire Department and I wanted to improve my employee rating. When I asked my supervisor about this he said to me "You need to do something above and beyond your normal duties to be more successful."
In response to his challenge, I created a Fire Safety show for children. It was featured on local TV, received community awards, and even got a letter of appreciation from the governor.
Six months later I was anxious to get my review. I came to work early that morning full of anticipation. When I finally saw my evaluation, it was full of 'Meets Standard' comments. My Boss said "That fire safety stuff was good, but it was for children and that's not part of your duties."
Staffing I applied for a job as a child care worker in a day care center. I was hired as a part-time worker and worked for a month until they needed someone full-time. I took the job and worked there for four years!!!
I came in at six on the days they needed someone to open up early, I stood in as a cook for 60 kids when our cook was ill for a week and, most importantly, I was there every day to see the toddlers grow up and move on to school.
When my director decided to move on to another center, she stayed only long enough to welcome the new Boss.
At the end of her first day, the new Boss came to see me as I was cleaning up a classroom. She said "I understand you came to the rescue some time ago when the center was short-staffed and they really needed you." Then she handed me an envelope and said "Well, thanks for all your help, but we're not short-staffed anymore."
Winners Week of February 9
Compassion I spend a lot of time at my job, working most weekends. When my mother died I lost three days to attend her funeral 1500 miles away. Three months later I lost a day because my son died in an automobile accident. Those were the only days I took off.
During my annual performance review my supervisor said I had an attendance problem that needed attention.
Thanks For the Sales Assistance While signing the papers to close a car deal, my Boss came over and said "Good, we need one more car to win the sales contest. The next customer is gonna get a sweet deal. I would give that car away for cost."
The customer stopped in the middle of his signature and said "Now you need two to win".
Winners Week of February 2 A Floating Decision While I was in the Navy, I briefly worked for the deck division whose responsibility it was to keep the ship painted and clean. After a particularly long week of scraping and painting, everyone was looking forward to the weekend. But at 4 p.m. on Friday, we received word that we would all have to work late.
Our division officer decided that we should all stay. He said in a few hours the tide would go out and then we could paint below the waterline!
Have You Heard? I was filling in for a co-worker who was having major surgery that morning. Her Boss couldn't find a file and asked me if there was any way I could contact the absent employee and ask her where it was.
Sarcastically I replied, "Sure, I can call the hospital and have her paged."
Ten minutes later he reappeared at my desk and asked, "Did you reach her yet?"
Winners Week of January 26
After You The other day I was ten minutes late for a meeting with my Boss' Boss. Since the only door was in the front of the room, I knew my tardiness would be noticed by everyone.
As luck would have it, my Boss was also late and, upon meeting him at the door, I politely let him enter first. Everyone was quietly seated at the table watching both of us when I said in a loud voice, "I found him".
Not Created Equal I was up for a review and possibly a large promotion, so I took great care in the preparation of materials to accurately demonstrate my contribution. I put together a list of goals and showed how I exceeded them. I put together timetables and showed how I surpassed them. I included special assignments and extra work, which were not in my work description, that I completed in an exemplary fashion. I included profiles of my volunteer work, because volunteering was now a big company initiative. I made a great case for myself.
Armed with this and more, my superiors refused the promotion. They said although my history was impressive, a lot of the items were either "extra work" or "volunteer work" and these items could not be used to evaluate my capabilities."
Winners Week of January 19
Demonstrated Commitment I arrived at a meeting a few minutes late because I had been detained by my Boss.
He, however, had come directly from our meeting and berated me when I showed up. In front of my co-workers I was forced to endure a lecture about "focus and commitment".
I felt really bad and pledged to make every meeting on time in the future. That afternoon was my first chance to demonstrate my new commitment and I took every pre-caution to be on time. With my new zeal, I got to the meeting early.
My Boss "blew off" the afternoon and went golfing.
That's How After reviewing quarterly sales records, I noticed that one division of our company was selling parts at or below cost. I checked into previous quarters and found that this was occurring on a regular basis.
When I marched into my Boss's office and explained my discovery, I was startled to learn that my Boss was fully aware of the situation.
"How can this division ever hope to show a profit?", I asked.
"Volume!", was the response.